searching for words amid the chaos

verisimilitudinous worlds,
all around me is green and air and birds singing,
yet beneath that is fear and hate,
gut responses,

to live in such comfort,
and luxury,
driving a car,
eating food,
tremendous wealth,
and yet for people to fear,
the poor,
to fear Black people,
to not understand,
when people say Black lives matter what they mean,
the emotion behind that,
the history behind that,
to be so insensitive,
to not care,
to not want to understand,
that if you have a body racialized as non-White,
in the United States,
your body is not as valued,

it’s that simple,
and people don’t want to recognize it,
can’t recognize it,
it’s something deeply ingrained in our society,
something as easy,
as hard,
as saying,
yeah we have problems in this society,
but nothing will be done,
i don’t know what can be done,

to be without words,
to long,
to be in a world where caring,
and seeing,
and being sensitive is attacked,

to live in fear,
every minute,
not knowing what’s going to happen,
not knowing if your life will matter,
not knowing if you’ll be protected at all,
to live in fear,
in the land of the free,
to live in fear,
and the home of the brave with liberty and justice for all,
to be forced to live in fear,
to be forced to not trust others,
to be forced to wonder and question and second guess everything,
is what most face daily,

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